Juggling People Is An Art :: Learn It, And Learn It Well

"Juggle? I used to be a world class juggler. Until the girls accidentally met."

Unless someone really caught my eye, I was never a one-on-one dater. I would rather date multiple people at once, weeding them out until I was left with one that I wanted to be with. This meant juggling five, six; sometimes more, women at once. And often, as one was cut from the running, another one or two was added.

It was through the dates that I went on; the conversations that I've had with the opposite sex - and with my male friends - that I observed how women have less desire, or maybe it's less ability, to date multiple people at once. I'm not speaking about one or two, or even three people at once. Many of us can do that. I'm taking about dating scores of people - whether it be just one date or several - in order to not limit the people you have an opportunity to meet.

I know what my female readers are thinking right now; two things actually:

1) The only reason guys date multiple girls is because they have a better chance of getting laid.

2) It's not about quantity, it's all about quality.

You know what ladies?

1) You got it! And it works. It works a little too well. It's often the one that doesn't put out that we end up wanting in the end. 

2) This may explain all the ugly guys with hot girls. But, I'm not buying it. You often have to go through quantity to find quality.

Regardless of gender, the top three comments I hear when it comes to juggling multiple people are:

1) I'm afraid I would confuse the person with another, and not remember what we talked about.

2) I don't know where I would find the time to see all of these people.

3) What happens when I run into one of them, while out with another?

Let me break it all down for you, using a few tips and tricks that I've learned - the hard way - throughout my dating life. Juggling multiple people isn't about sleight of hand. You don't want to make yourself invisible. Instead, it's about sleight of tongue. What you say, how you say it, and when you say it, which will determine how effect of a multiple dater you will be. Plus, it helps to be well prepared by planning in advance for specific situations like the "run-in", or the "double-booking."


1) I'm afraid I would confuse the person with another, and not remember what we talked about.

 To avoid confusing one person with another and forgetting what you talked about, you need to keep track, so you stay on track. A little black book with a twist is what you need. Along with names - including last names - and numbers, you should also list where your first date was, the date you first met, and a few notes about what s/he was wearing. And, at the end of the night, maybe something that stood out, which s/he said.

Why are these added details important? When you get to comment three in this blog, you may need to utter the words, "Yes, while I am meeting other people as well, I'm interested in getting to know you, too. If I wasn't, would I remember... [an aspect of the first date..], [that you were wearing that outfit that brought out your...], how [we laughed over...]

Another important tip is to build a list of standard questions. You can usually always predict what these will be from the other person. They will want to know what movies you like, where you grew up, what interests you have. The most basic first date questions. Instead, take a different approach with yours. Come up with three to five questions, that you ask to every first date you go on. The answers will help jog your memory when you go out with them again. Make them somewhat unique, but not strange enough that the person is wondering why you're asking.


2) I don't know where I would find the time to see all of these people.

The hardest part of juggling multiple people is finding the time to see them. But, it's possible. When you're getting to know someone early on, you don't need to see them all the time. In fact, to see them once a week for a few dates is okay. What you need to do is keep conversations through the week to text. If possible, do it over the phone. It will cut down the amount of actual contact you need with the person until you can see them again.

The best method is to double-book, triple-book or even quadruple-book yourself. When I was out meeting many people at once, I would tell them I was often extremely busy during the week. And I was, although I could have found some time. Instead, I would tell them that the weekends were the best time for me to do something. I could plan a date for Friday night, three or four dates for Saturday, and another three or four for Sunday.

While this may seem like a lot to absorb, you always need an out. Pick locations throughout the city and various activities. And always...always tell them well in advance that you have to meet a friend somewhere in town. It allows you an exit, and time to spare to make your next date.

3) What happens when I run into one of them, while out with another?


Ah, the dreaded "run-in". If you're well prepared and well planned, you won't have anything to worry about. Should you run in to a date while on a date, remain calm. Remember, you did tell them that you were going to meet a friend. That is all they need to know at this point. Should it be someone else from another week, it's still okay.


If you're approached and forced to make conversation, don't hesitate. Introduce the guys/girls, it will come off less defensive and neither will be threatened. Just refrain from calling either one a "friend". Stick to first names only, and be aggressive. You should be the one asking her the questions, and make them general in nature.  "How are you doing?" What are you up to today?" Those kind of questions. She will ask you too, but you can get away with generic and overarching answers. If you monopolize on those few minutes of conversation, it will end and she will go on her way.

At some point, later, you may have to explain yourself. So refer to issue 1 in this blog and pull out that little black book. You may have to remember a few quick facts.

And finally, you need to be honest. Honest from day one. Make sure you get that disclaimer out there. When you meet, or when the conversation of, "what are you looking for" comes up, always make sure you say that you're just looking to date, to meet people and see if anything comes of it. That way, when asked - or confronted - you can always refer back to your disclaiming statement, and you can be honest. Actually, use the phrase..."I want to be honest with you. You're asking, so I am telling you the truth. I have nothing to hide. I am seeing other people, like I said when we chatted about what we were looking for at the moment." They eat that shit up, if you're stuck in a bind.

P.S. - And to "The Girl" - yes, that is your nickname in this blog - I just wanted to say... No, dear, none of this applies to you! In fact, I forget almost everything you tell me, more than once. No little black book here.

5 Things You Need To Know About Having An Open Relationship

Despite what the image tells you, it's really not that complicated. In fact, an open relationship is easy once you know the rules, the players, a few basic concepts, and of course, you're able to communicate honestly and openly.

I've had many discussions with people on both sides of the issue, and while they often disagree on principle, they are more alike than they realize. And I don't mean on the fact that they will likely both disagree with my next comment.

In all of my open-relationships over the years I've learned that a "true" open-relationship is based in monogamy. And what I've also learned is that monogamists have a harder time grasping the concept of monogamy than the polyamorists. It seems that more and more people these days are exploring with the idea of an open-relationship. Many though, do it for the wrong reasons, and the wrong way. If you want to explore, here are 5 things to keep in mind:

1) Talk, Talk, and Talk Some More: If you're going to pursue an open-relationship you need to talk, and to talk openly. In order to avoid jealousy or resentment, one partner can't hold back desires or wants when an open-relationship is on the table. You may each not get everything you want, but you have to communicate what type of open-relationship you each want and what your boundaries are.

Boundaries and limits will take on different forms depending on the couple, but things that should be discussed are:

•  Who, or what kind of people can join
• What kind of open-relationship do you both want
• What is appropriate contact with the same/opposite sex

It may seem like over-kill to get into the smallest of details, but is exploration worth possibly destroying a relationship you've spent months or years building? Remember, you have a primary partner that you come home to every day. They are your first priority.

2) Don't Do It Just Because: I've heard every bullshit excuse in the book when it comes to couples wanting to try an open-relationship. Hell, I've spouted out some of my own. The two most common are:

• We want to spice up our sex life. No you don't. One of you wants to try something...more like someone...fresh, and you're willing to let your significant other fuck someone so you can.
• It will make the guy/girl I'm with happy. Yeah, I'm sure it will, but will it make you happy? If you do it once, for that reason, then expect it to come up again.

The only reason a couple should explore opening their relationship is when they are doing it for themselves as a couple. It's a "we" thing, not a "me" thing. If you're in it together and tuned into the needs, wants and concerns of one another, you'll have fewer issues transitioning.

3) It's Not An Excuse To Cheat: In a monogamous relationship we trust that our partners will be faithful. In an open-relationship we allow our partners certain agreed upon freedoms that we trust they won't overstep. 

There are many -- mostly those new to the lifestyle -- who think  that an open-relationship means a free-for-all. Where, slipping up is not cheating. In arrangement where things such as playing together is a rule, an innocent kiss away from your partner IS considered cheating.

Last summer I started dating this girl for a few short months, who raised with me the idea of an open-relationship. Her offer: She only wanted to play as a couple and only have women join us. While she had friends that were open to joining us then and there, we decided that first, we had to establish a solid relationship. When we went downtown, she would enjoy it when I was dancing with, or all over some other girl for her to watch. While I was okay with that, it was only when we were together. Despite her assurance that I could go have "innocent" fun, as long as she could hear about it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Anything solo, to me, is cheating.


4) Pick Your Partner(s) Carefully: Whether you're inviting one person to join, doing a full-swap, or any other combination, you should pick your partners very carefully. A few selection tips include:

• Stay away from friends. The only time a friend should be invited is when they can be trusted not to interfere after the fun has been had. A friend may seem like the best choice because of the comfort level, but can you look at one another the same moving forward?
• What's your name again? Don't pick just any random person(s), of course you should screen them first, but someone(s) you don't know are the best first option. Having a person or persons who are there for one thing, and one thing only, will alleviate any tension or pressure after the fact. This is a person you don't have to see again if you don't want to, or who you can call when you both feel like.
• Slow and Steady: Whomever you select, make sure they fully understand your limits and boundaries before proceeding. They should be comfortable taking time before things happen - if they do - and that they are fully aware anyone can pull out at any time. A back-out clause is a beautiful thing, especially if it's your first time. The ability to tell someone this has to stop, even after things have begun, should be agreed upon first.

5) Don't Neglect Your Partner: Unless you both swing both ways, one partner will be at a greater advantage than the other, sexually. And opening your relationship should never be more about one partner than the other. After all, you're doing this for both of you, and you should be paying equal attention to your partner as you are to the person who is joining you.


There is so much more I would have liked to touch upon, but the issue of an open-relationship is broad and often difficult to capture in one post. It truly is something that has to be explored verbally between two people. It's something that, while I've done in the past and continue to ponder to this day... would I ever do it again? Who knows? I certainly wouldn't tell anyone on here.