Cheating: Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

A few weeks ago I tweeted a question, how many times do you think I've cheated? I tweeted it as a teaser to this blog post about cheating and yes, I will reveal the answer - just not yet. As I thought more about the topic, it made me think back to so many failed relationships that, unfortunately, were ruined due to cheating.


As a side note, it seems that there is a little pool going on to see who has guessed the answer. To the winner, you're welcome.

Cheating for me is a deal breaker. In fact, it is tied with drug use in my relationships. I can't and won't tolerate it. I'm always amazed that so many people I know can forgive - and have forgiven - their significant others for being unfaithful. When I say zero tolerance, I mean zero tolerance. One simple innocent kiss and I'm dumping you on the spot. The only reason I'd keep you around is to get revenge. Yes, that's right. I'm a Scorpio. I'll drop everything for the person I'm with, but fuck me over like that and I'm a vengeful son of a bitch.


So it's safe to say I have trust issues. And for good reason. Since I started dating around the age of 15, I have been out with close to 100 different people - give or take - over the last 13 years.

Before anyone calls me out on that, no, it's true. If you need confirmation ask @whatshesaidgoes, she knows my dating history over the last three years alone. I keep a list in my phone with names so I can remember who is who. In 2010, that list had 34 names on it. Three weeks into 2011, there are already four.

Out of those 100 or so dates, I've only been in six, yes six, actual relationships spanning anywhere from a few months to a few years. I've spent a little more than half my dating life in relationships and what did I learn from them? That it's hard to trust. From the first girlfriend to the last, I've been cheated on in every relationship except for one - at least that I know of.


So as you can see, I don't take cheating lightly. And I may sound like a hypocrite here, but I have been the other guy many, many times. I've broken up relationships and come between marriages.

So being cheated on repeatedly and being the other guy, have I cheated? The answer is yes. How many times? Once. Well, I only consider it to be once, but @whatshesaidgoes considers the "other" time to be cheating. So here for all, I'm going to clarify that it wasn't cheating.

This past summer I was the best man at my friend's wedding in Ottawa. A few weeks before i left, I met a girl. We were "seeing" one another with no relationship title. When I left for Ottawa we were still getting to know one another and the night I landed in Ottawa, I headed straight to the bar where we were having a dual bachelor/bachlorette party. I ended up leaving with the Maid of Honor - who I may add had a boyfriend back in Calgary - and the next day, the girl I was seeing called me in a drunken stupor demanding to know if we were going to be a couple or not. To shut her up, I said yes. When in fact I would have said yes when I returned. Technically, I was single.

But I do admit to cheating once. It was a few years ago, at the beginning of a relationship when and old friend with benefits and I were wrapping up. It was, well, one more for the road. It was one night, one time, and you know what? I was so disgusted with myself that the guilt I felt after that night made me break off any contact with that friend, forever. I still think about it to this day.

It's not that I haven't had opportunities to cheat in the past. I've had many. I've had opportunities to cheat with my girlfriend's friends; with old friends with benefits; and with friends that I have. I've even had girls I've dated tell me that they would be turned on by me being with other women. But you know what? After that one time, I couldn't do it. I'll play as a couple, but never alone. And when my relationships are closed, I never give what it may be like with someone else a first thought, let alone a second.

When I'm single, I'm a promiscuous, self-proclaimed asshole. If it has a skirt, two legs and tits, I'll go after it. But when I'm with someone, I'm the most faithful motherfucker you'll ever meet.

Mother Theresa has nothing on me. 

To find out what @whatshesaidgoes, check her reply here.