If you've read the post by @whatshesaidgoes, which can be found here, then you already know two things:
1) I give great advice so don't knock it. If you want to stay one step ahead, consider everything I write like the word of God and this blog is your Bible.
2) Online dating may seem an unnatural way to date, but in the last five years it has become one of the most common ways. It's quick and easy to meet people; and you can be selective without wasting your time.
While there's quite a bit to respond to in her blog post, there are only two things I want to touch upon before I move away and into a different direction, giving you some of that great advice.
1) She makes reference to guys sending form messages and how this is unacceptable. I disagree. It's perfectly acceptable to write a form message when you only have to switch specific details. I used one all the time. With the mass amount of selection online, you need to be efficient, and writing a number of e-mails when you only need to write one, in the words of EpicMealTime, is smart.
2) She also tells us about what it was like to see my searches; the male perspective, and what kind of competition she had. Here, I agree with her comments. And this goes to both girls and guys. Guys, keep your shirts on in your photos. Ladies, I don't need to see your rack hanging out in 20 different angles. If you're portraying a whore, I'm only going to message you for a fuck.
If online dating was a career option, I'd be rich. I am...should say was, an online dating professional. I've tried numerous dating sites, I've met people off Facebook, Twitter and for those of you old enough to remember, even ICQ. I don't even know how that last one happened, we only used it to share files.
Instead of telling you how to be an online dating professional, I'm going to tell you how to use POF to your advantage. This advice, of course, is for men. Women just need to put themselves out there and they'll be successful. Your motto for this post: Use or be used.
Just like meeting people has gone from face-to-face, to the Internet, so has picking up. Don't waste your time trying to pick up in a bar, instead your focus should be picking up online. It is ridiculously easy.
The Profile –- Ensure you have a profile that is well written, with proper grammar and free of spelling mistakes. Make it fun and short. A minimum four to five paragraphs, of at least five sentences per paragraph. Write it as though you would be looking to meet someone to date, but include the following:
- A line that explains you're looking to meet new people, spcifically new friends. That, you're not looking for anything serious and have no expectations from the site.
- You're new to the site. Remember, you're always new to the site.
- You haven't had much luck. No matter how much luck you've had, you always tell the person that you haven't had much luck. The funny thing is with people, they will tend to agree with you if you place the suggestion and back it up with facts.
- Come up with a question that they can answer. For example, my username was the title of book and I left my profession field blank. I always said in my profile, bonus points for whomever can guess where my username comes from.
The Form Message –- The form message is essential. You need to create a form letter that allows room for interchangeable information. This will help you cut down on the amount of typing you'll need to do. Your message should ask questions, make connections and close with a non-threatening comment.
A sample form message would look like:
Hey,
I came across your profile and wanted to send a quick message to say hi.
I noticed that [insert something you noticed].
[Insert a question or two]
I also noticed that [insert second point of interest and/or comment on an action in a photo and follow-up with a connection to bridge interests.]
Just wanted to keep this message brief, but if you care to chat, it would be great to hear from you.
The Selection –- So you have the profile written, the message ready to go, but who do you pick to message. There are a few givens here, but also a few variables that you have to figure out for yourself.
- The "viewed me". Many dating sites have a "who viewed me" function. May people view profiles and don't message, because they think they have no chance. This is where your odds are high. Message those who viewed you first. After all, they looked at you, they may be interested but shy. If you get a positive reply, then take control because you are the initiator.
- Those who message you first. If you receive a message, don't write back right away. Instead, wait at least 48 hours. Let them think they don't have a chance.
- You have a league, stick to it. I always messaged girls who I thought were within my league. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. It has nothing to do with a lack of confidence, it has to do with playing the odds.
- If she dresses like she's easy, she probably is. This isn't always true, but most girls who have it all hanging out are getting indundated with crude messages from guys. Send her the complete opposite and you'll be that anomaly that sticks out.
The Conversation -– The beauty about an online conversation is that it allows a person to be more open than they would in person. You can push the limits of the conversation, guaging the mood and tone of the responses. If you can get the person to develop a comfort level with you online, you can make any suggestion a good, non-threatening one.
- Empathy –- Releate to everything. People online are looking for that connection before meeting. They don't want to waste their time meeting scores of people, so don't give them that impression.
- Sex –- Sex isn`t an off-the-table conversation. You can allude to it by relating to the many men only looking for one thing. While never confirming that that is the only thing you`re looking for. Remember, no matter where you take this conversation, you're never looking to get in her pants, until she least expects it.
These always worked for me, maybe they will work for you. So here`s the challenge. Give these tips a shot and I want to hear back, by way of a blog post comment, if they worked for you. I`m not going to tell you how to seal the deal, just how to negotiate.
