One Night Stands: Rules of Engagement

If you haven't had a one night stand, you should. In my opinion, everyone should have at least one in their lifetime. A moment of instant gratification, which will mostly be steeped in horrible sex. But on the plus side, you never have to see the person again...if you're lucky.

Ninety-five per cent of my one night stands over the years have resulted in horrible sex. And hey, I'll admit that I'm sure I was no prize in the sack for many of them. That mixture of flowing hormones and booze shoots down everyone's performance in the moment, but in that moment you don't really care. You're after one thing and one thing only.

Unfortunately, these situations come with a double-standard. It's usually expected of guys, but they're labeled as players. Women on the other hand are looked down upon and often considered easy by their own peers. The fact is, if you're okay with what you're doing it shouldn't matter what others think. We all have needs and often, we want those needs met without all the hassle of any attachment.

It still amazes me how difficult it can be to get that one night stand at times. You would think that by a certain age it wouldn't be difficult to just come out and ask for it. You have to play that game of flirtation, keep the persons interest and of course, buy those drinks. Come to think of it, if you have to buy the girl drinks to get to the point, you may as well go ahead and pay for sex.

Complicated and too much effort? I think so. Wouldn't it be much easier to just walk up to someone and tell them you're leaving in 20 minutes, did they want to come home with you? It would.

I can't speak for women, but guys, if you're going to find yourself in a one night stand situation there are a few rules that you should follow:

Rule 1 - Have an exit strategy before you have and entrance plan. The last thing you want to do is end up with a girl you can't get rid of the next morning.

Rule 2 - Make your place unavailable. Any respectful one-night-stander (yes, there is such a type) wouldn't toss a girl out after the deed and let her fend for herself in the middle of the night. If at all possible, come up with an excuse. Propose her place first as an option. A great excuse is that you have roommates and you can't bring her back. If you live alone, you have "house-guests" staying. Going back to her place means you can leave after, or sneak out once she's asleep.

Rule 3 - When push comes to shove. If her place is out of the question and your only option is to take her back to yours, create conversation that leads to talking about the next day. Invent a reason why you have to be up and out early. There have been a number of times where I had to be somewhere at 9am. Setting that alarm for 7am means that after you get home from the bar, the deed is done, and you finally pass out, you only have her hanging around for two or three hours.

Rule 4 - Let's keep in touch. Whatever you do throughout the night, stay clear of the conversation which involves exchanging contact information. If it's inevitable, just take her number and tell her you'll give her a call.

Rule 5 - You fucked up Rule 4. If you managed to somehow fuck up Rule 4, don't fret. If and when she calls, you can do one of two things. 1) Use it to your advantage for another night of fun. Keeping in mind that a repeat event will most likely result in more contact from her. 2) Play the avoidance game until the next time you go downtown with friends. Invite her last minute so that she doesn't think you're brushing her off. She'll either be unavailable on short notice, or if she is free, ensure that you're there with friends, plenty of friends. Make the plans to meet her at the bar. Having friends to slip away with at the end of the night will give you an out.

Rule 6 - Be blunt and upfront. This is one of the hardest things to be in these situations. It's a 40/40/20 split of being an asshole, having charm and the ability to be a convincing liar. Lay it all out on the line. Be respectful, but at the same time indicate you're only looking for one thing. Phrases like, "Look, I just want to be clear...I just got out of something" or "I don't want to give you the wrong impression...I just want to make sure we're looking for the same thing." Show her that you respect her as a person and you're not out to use/hurt someone. When in fact, you're both using one another for the same thing. If you float the notion out there consider it a disclaimer.


Rule 7 - Don't forget Rule 1. The most important rule.

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