The WRONG time to date

While having coffee with fetish girl today, she said something that seemed somewhat fitting with this post; that December 6 is that day that most people break up. There is no confirmed stat to support this, but a quick Google search shows that December is perhaps the month that most of them will happen in. 

Early December is the best time to end a relationship, if you must, with Christmas around the corner. If it doesn't happen by then, New Year's is upon us and then shortly after, Valentine's Day. If it doesn't happen early on, the right time to minimize the most emotional impact doesn't present itself until March.

This post isn't about when to break up with someone. It's about the WRONG time to date. These two things are connected. They fall within the same period.

First off, the best relationships just happen and they often do when you don't expect it. Although many of us want to find the "one" we often go into the dating world with a mission. When you go into it blind without looking for anything, that is when you're going to meet someone that you connect with.

If you're anything like me, you're the type of person who would rather see 10 people at once, narrowing it down to just one, instead of focusing all your energy on one person up front. It seems more guys than girls have the ability to do this, but that's a post for another time.

Despite your dating style, if you're one of those people who are "actively looking" for a relationship, or are just looking to casually date until you meet someone you want to focus on, there are two times throughout the year that you should watch who and when you date. 

The first is mid-November to mid-February. The holiday season seems to begin earlier and earlier every year. By mid-November stores are preparing for Christmas and the buzz is on. For men, this is the time of year that they want to be careful how involved they become with a girl that they have just met. While spending the holidays alone may suck for anyone, it always seems that women are more affected by being single this time of year. 


It's not difficult to find a single girl who wants a boyfriend for Christmas. The older they get, the more they want it. When friends and family are settled down, for the single lady (and man) Christmas can be one of the loneliest times.

Lumped in there is New Years and then Valentines Day. Once you're in, be prepared to be in for the long haul. Getting out won't be easy, unless it's just a seasonal fling. 

While you might be thinking: "Really? I could have told you that." There is another time of year that can be equally as entrapping.

Guys, you should also be careful of the months April, May and June. As the long dark days of winter begin to fade, the thoughts of summer fun slowly take shape. Although not as risky as the triple threat season, the summer months are filled with happy-go-lucky couples. For many, seeing couples hand in hand enjoying their summer fun is just as gag-me-with-a-spoon-tastic as watching couples over the holidays. 

So what's the point of this post? To tell you things that you may already know? No, not in the least. It's to tell you what many of us know but never take heed of, including this guy. 

I'm not saying don't date during this time, just date with a little bit of caution. A holiday romance or a spring fling is most often just that. When you're caught up in the moment - or when someone else is caught up in the moment - you might realize that the moment is all you two really have.

For @whatshesaidgoes' take on things, click here for her post.

Men and Sex: Coles Notes

Sex. A topic that many people enjoy hearing, but many more don't like to talk about - openly. There is so much to be said, but maintaining with the back and forth nature of these posts, I'll be brief.

To correct @whatshesaidgoes, men do realize that girls think about it a lot, but they don't talk about it openly, with men, in the same way. Sure, they may talk about it with other girls, their likes or dislikes; what their partner proposed or how something they've tried out worked or didn't, but with men, in my experience, they tend to shy away from an open conversation.

The bottom line: Men want to know. We want to have that discussion with you, openly. Women are far more close minded when it comes to sex than men. Or maybe, I've met more girls who think something is just "too much" to talk about. A healthy sex life depends on being able to tell your partner what you like and what you don't, even if it's something out of the norm.

We have all had amazing sex and as she puts it, not so great sex. Unlike @whatshesaidgoes, most of my experiences don't fall somewhere in between; they're either on one end of the spectrum or the other.

Foreplay - While I must agree with her section on foreplay, that it extends the experience and adds an element of anticipation, it's not something we ALWAYS want. And I'm sure most women don't always want it either. Men, just as much as women, enjoy to be touched and kissed, but if you're wondering why your man is trying to rush through it, maybe it's not the foreplay, but instead, it's you. 

I don't think I'm too far off in saying that many men feel (or that women expect) the guy should be taking the lead. While we're happy to take the lead in bed, when it comes to foreplay, women need to take a greater role in sustaining it. Men often think of foreplay as touching and kissing, when in fact, foreplay goes beyond the physical.

Ladies, if you want to sustain foreplay and really get him into making it a priority, you have to train your man to enjoy it. Pin him down and show him what foreplay is all about and don't hesitate to tell the guy just what parts of you to stimulate, to get you going. Take the time to slowly tease him, wear something revealing and don't let it come off until you're ready. The secret in getting your guy to make foreplay a priority, is to show him what's in it for him.

Mix it up - If you want to grow as a sexual being, you need to mix it up. Personally, if there is no spice, I can't hack it. If my sexual endeavours were a porn, it would most likely be an unmarked tape, in a black case kept behind the counter.

There is nothing wrong with those who have no desire to move their sexual experiences beyond the vanilla lifestyle their used to. More women, than men, are often hesitant to change or take a risk. Keeping it simple has its place. A soft and sensual night of sex is less about what you're doing, but more with who you're doing it with. But even the closest of couples should, in my opinion, spice things up. You need both.

Women though, have this misconception of men. When a guy says, let's try something new, a woman thinks he's been watching too much porn; what kind of unrealistic sex act does he have in mind? Often, it's not as bad as she may think.

If you want to up your game, take it slow. Watch porn together and try a few things you normally wouldn't is a good start. If you want to explore a little more, connect with your local kink community and attend social events to meet like-minded people, or attend an event. You're not expected to participate, but just be clear on all the rules first. Sex conventions are another good place to get ideas and tips. Visit your local sex store and pick up some reading material to get you started. Spicing it up can go from sex outside of your normal setting, all the way up to edgeplay.

You're not going to like everything you see, or everything you try. If you're open with one another and if you take the time to learn how to do things right, you may find more out there that you like.

Express yourself - It's not only guys who don't express themselves enough during sex, women are often too shy or intimidated to do so as well. If you're enjoying it, we want to hear it. It is what will get us going. If we know you like it, we'll keep doing it, and we'll do it again next time.

A few years ago, I was hooking up with this girl who looks-wise, was way out of my league. (Hey, I'll admit it.) After a few times, I cut it off. When a friend commented by saying I must be out of my mind and why I stopped, the answer was simple. She fucks like a starfish.

There was no movement. There was no sound. There was nothing. Have you ever seen a starfish? Yeah, they just lay there, motionless. We don't want you to scream at the top of your lungs - although we wouldn't be opposed to it. We just want to know that you're into it. 

Spice and Sugar - Sex is sex. Making love is making love. Two completely different things based on the person you're with. I'm one of those guys who likes to cuddle and although it doesn't have to be tied to sex. Just don't think that because I'm close to you after sex, that I want to be with you.

While some (many if I may say so) women, need that closeness and affection after sex, men don't. It's not that we're cold, heartless beings, who can fuck you and then walk away (well, some of us are), we generally only want it with those we feel a connection to. If we're not romantically tied to you, you should probably just enjoy the sex and not worry about the cuddling, if you want us to return.

For the original and female perspective, read Sex: Coles Notes.

Reply: Just One of the Guys....or Not

Let me cut to the chase and answer @whatshesaidgoes' question: Can guys just be friends with a girl long-term? 


The answer is, yes. Guys and girls can be "just" friends. 

Allow me to clarify though, that romantic involvement and sexual involvement are two different things. Romantic involvement is often what ruins a friendship. Sexual involvement can often be started and stopped without any long-term repercussion to the friendship.

And while I'm at it, let me answer her second unasked question: it made me wonder if most guys do in fact hang out with girls in the hopes that they'll one day sleep with them. 

The answer is also, yes. I can count on one hand the number of girls that I can consider "friends" that I haven't been involved with. Most times, they end up being the latter before they become a friend. But back to the topic at hand. While men and women can be friends, it's not as simple as many women may like it to be.

The way I see it - which I'll get into detail below - there are three levels of male-female friendships. The one thing they all have in common is communication. Despite how close of a friend, or how much of an acquaintance, maintaining a male-female "friendship" relies on being open.

The circumstance that what.she.said.goes finds herself in is that she can be just one of the guys. In my opinion, most guys like this quality in a girl. All of the girls that I've been attracted to, or dated, have been able to be just one of the guys, while still maintaining that girlie side. For a girl who acts like one of the guys, talks like one of the guys and enjoys many of the same things that the guys do, men will often be more comfortable and open around them. This can often be problematic.


As I mentioned above there are three types of male-female friendships.


The first one is what I would call the acquaintance. The acquaintance is that guy who you know in passing. You talk to him when you see him. You know a bit about him, but for the most part who and what he is is still a mystery to you. You don't involve yourself with knowing more about him than what you need to know. He is most often the guy who hangs around your group of closer friends and the only time you're around him is when you're out with other people. This guy is the wild card. He may or may not have the guts to make a move on you, but if he does, he has the least to lose. He doesn't have to interact with you on a daily basis and if you shoot him down, he will just move on to the next thing in a skirt.


The second type is the friend. The friend is that guy who is actually a friend. He is the one that you keep in touch with and hang out with from time to time. You can spend time with him one-on-one and enjoy his company. You feel comfortable around him and can speak openly. The two of you get along great. He is also the one that you have to watch out for the most. He is the one who will try, if he can, to blur the lines and if given the chance will try to sleep with you. Unlike the acquaintance who has nothing to lose, the friend can possibly ruin the friendship by trying to make a move. So why would he? He feels comfortable and knows that should something happen, it won't change a thing. You'll continue to be friends and if possible, with benefits. The issue with involving yourself with the friend, unlike the acquaintance, is that more often than not the friend usually has more feelings for you than he lets on.


The third and final type of friend is the best friend. This is the guy, or it can be more than one guy, that you're closest to. With the best friend you can truly be yourself around. You can fight and argue without it being an issue, you can change in front of one another and you don't give it a second thought, you know each others wants and needs; basically, you interact as if you are a couple. If you've made it through the acquaintance stage with no issue, and if you've made it through the friend stage with no issue, the best friend is the one that you have the least to worry about. If he hasn't made a move up until now, he probably never will. If he does, he is most likely the safest option. You're all thinking, why would you take a chance with the person you're closest with? Reason: You may have the most to lose from this, but you also have the most comfort and opportunity to be open with one another. If you haven't ended up together by now, you probably never will. So you may as well enjoy the extras in life until one of you settle down. It will also be the easiest of the three to break off in the end. Your best friend will understand that you're off-limits and won't pursue you; he'll want you to be happy with someone. Unlike the other two, who won't give a shit if you're with someone or not, he'll go back to just being your best friend and not make move.

Regardless which of the three types you find yourself wrestling with, communication is the common theme. With guy 1, you can just say no and forget about it - he doesn't need a reason why you turned him down. With guy 2, you can't just say no and walk away, you need to give him a reason why and be on the same level. With guy 3, you absolutely need to have the talk to ensure that there is no confusion about what it is and what it means, and when it ends.

While what.she.said.goes has a right to be frustrated and it comes through in her post, she lumps all these types of guys into one and sees them all in the same light. You can't control the actions of another, all that you can do is tell them where they stand. If they can't accept it, it's their loss. If they can, then do both of you a favour - don't make it awkward. Pretend it never happened.

Oh, and one more thing. If you do involve yourself with either one of these three types, you can't just pick up and walk away from the last two. While you can drop the acquaintance, the friend and best friend need a little more finesse. How would you like it if someone you were involved with suddenly decided that they didn't want to touch you anymore, with no reason?

For the original post, check out: Just One of the Guys....or Not

20 Questions Men Want Answers To

Don't blame me. It has been a long week, so yes, this post is a semi-cop out. This is where you, the female readers that is, get to give us men some insight. I've had many chats with my male friends about their significant others; about what they find acceptable or wonder; about what little and often insignificant things they think about. So before my body starts to crash from the copious amounts of caffeine that was coursing through it, here's how it works!

There are four categories, each with five random questions that men sometimes want to ask but are too shy to do so. Your job, respond in the comments section with your preference/answers numbered 1 to 20. Don't worry, they will be quick and easy. But, feel free to expand on your answers if you wish.

PS - I believe that  I have the comments open to everyone, but if not, just send me a message on Twitter and I'll fix that.


The Physical:

1) Which is more important, an attractive face or an attractive body?

2) When it comes to body type, do you prefer: (a) slim build (b) average build (c) toned build (d) muscular build

3) What one physical trait most attracts you to a guy?

4) Personal hygiene is obviously a selling point, should a guy: (a) shave completely (b) shave chest only (c) shave only below the equator (d) I love hairy men

5) What physical trait most turns you off a guy?


The Intellect:

1) Complete the phrase. I like my man to be: (a) less intelligent than I (b) smarter than I (c) of equal intelligence

2) How important is education? (a) He must have completed university/college (b) Education isn't all that important, there is more to someone than being book smart

3) Which of the following statements best describes what you want in a person: (a) It is important that my partner continue to self-improve himself. (b) I don't care if my partner continues to self-improve himself, I fell for him because of who he is.

4) Is it possible for someone to be too smart, that it becomes a turn-off?

5) Are women intimidated by intelligent men?


Likes and Dislikes:

1) How important is it that you and your prospective partner share similar interests: (a) Very important (b) Somewhat important (c) Not important at all

2) Which statement best describes you: (a) I want my partner to take an interest in my likes. (b) I want my partner to take an interest in my likes even if he has to fake it (c) If he has no interests in my likes, I don't want him to bother. He should just say so.

3) Would you ever do something that you completely hate or bores you, because your partner really wants to?

4) What is one interest that women wish men would involve themselves in?

5) You discover your partner has an unusual interest, you: (a) Accept it and let him continue, after all it's his interest and you don't have to partake. (b) Tell him that it's weird and to stop it. (c) Realize, holy shit this is too weird for me, I better call http://www.idump4u.com/ and end this quickly.


The Random Ones

1) When in a relationship, after a certain period of time has elapsed how important is it that you and your partner start doing things as a "couple" (ie: events, etc...) (a) Very important, if we're a couple we should be involved in each others lives, unless it's a special circumstance. (b) Some what important. It's important we give one another the choice to go as a couple, but not feel like we have to. (c) Not important. Hell, I don't want to have to bring him with me.

2) Is it important to know your partners sexual history? (a) Yes, I want to know all the details. (b) Depends, knowing how many partners he's been with is important. (c) No way. I don't want to know a single detail.

3) What are your thoughts on second chances? (a) I have limits for a reason, he knew them, he broke them, it's over...goodbye. (b) It depends on what he did and how bad it was, I'd more than likely give him a second chance.

4) Your guy is going out with the boys for the night, how do you expect him to act? (a) I expect him to keep to his group of friends only and ward off any advances from other girls. After all, he has a girlfriend. (b) I don't care if he chats with/buys drinks/flirts with other girls, as long as he keeps his hands to himself. (c) I don't care what my guy does, as long as he doesn't kiss or take another girl home; grind up on her all you want, he's coming home to me later.


5) Complete this sentence... "I wish more men would ______."

And there you have it, ladies. Twenty random questions from guys for girls.

Read what.she.said.goes' answers to these questions here.