Although we may want to, we often don't. For those who do act on it, the end result often ends in a spat of words and intimidation. The chances of a fight breaking out under normal circumstances are slim, but when it does happen, it's something no guy takes lightly.
No guy wants to fight. Sometimes, though, we feel we have to. And those times are when we feel that - for lack of a better way to phrase this - the other guy is invading what is ours. Ninety-nine per cent of the time it's over a girl we're with.
Women, @whatshesaidgoes included, hate it when the guy they are with tries to show that force of dominance against another guy they feel, is hitting on their girl. Now, I'm not condoning fighting, but I will say that it's hard to stand back and watch someone else try to make a move on someone you're with.
Why guys fight is a difficult concept to explain to women. Sometimes we don't even get it. The best way to put it is, if we allow another guy to push us aside without even an attempt to stop it, it does damage our pride. We often feel as though we should have said or done something.
Over the years I have been in arguments and fights with other guys over the girls I was dating at the time. These situations always take place downtown when a guy can't take no for an answer.
@whatshesaidgoes is a prime example of this. Although we're not together, we do go downtown together a lot. While I maintain my distance, if she does find herself in a situation I will step in and save her. It's never come to blows. Most often just asserting myself in plain view will do the trick. Although she hates when guys fight, myself included, when she puts herself in some situations, it may come to that.
Girls can't expect to have guys buy them drinks and then walk away, without ever having a problem. And when they do, they will go to a guy they are with. When that drunk guy doesn't like it and just won't fuck off, the friend is the one who gets yelled at because they put up a show of force.
Ladies, do us a favour. If you don't want us fighting, don't put yourselves in a situation where we have to end up defending you, and ourselves.
At one point in time I wouldn't think twice about hauling off and hitting someone downtown, who couldn't take a hint. As men get older, we have less time for bullshit and a little more patience. We want to deal with things quickly and just get it over with. What most younger guys need to learn is that there is a five step process before any punches are thrown.
Step 1: Let the girl take care of it
The reasonable thing to do is to let the girl you're with take care of the situation. If someone tries to buy her a drink, or is slowly creeping up behind her to dance, it's up to her to refuse his advances. What the girls need to keep in mind is that the guy you're with will be much more appreciative if you take this step boldly and bluntly. It will also mean that next time this situation arises, they won't get defensive. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, decline and say, "my boyfriend is about to go pick me up one." If a guy starts talking to you, don't be shy to introduce yourself, but follow it up with, "this is my boyfriend [insert name here]." It tells the intruder that you're with someone, but also shows the guy you're with that you mean business.
Step 2: Make your presence known
If the first step fails, or the girl you're with is too shy to do this, it's okay. Just make your presence known by standing next to her. Put your arm around her or make it look like you are together. I can't count how many times I've grabbed my significant other on the dance floor and pulled her close, because a guy's hands were just too grabby.
Step 3: The voice-less back-off
If your presence isn't enough, don't panic. The guy is either too drunk, or too stupid to take a hint. Perhaps you walk away for a bit and he thinks you're just some random guy. The voice-less back-off is making your presence known even more. If you have to, stop and stare, or glare, depending on the situation. A simple shake of the head, no, will give that intruder a hint.
About a year ago while downtown for a friend's going-away party, a random guy tried to invade the group of girls we were with. Watching him make his rounds from girl to girl was funny, each one shooting down his advances. When he came around to my friend, who was dancing with me, she tried to ward him off. Leaning in he said, "Is that your boyfriend?" She replied with a no, so he assumed she was fair game. My "make my presence known" wasn't working. So, I literally stopped dancing and looked at him, blank-faced. Noticing this, all he said was, "You're going to punch me if I don't leave her alone, aren't you?" I simply nodded my head and he walked away.
Step 4: Time to have a word
Ladies, up to this point, we've tried our best to stay calm. We've backed-off so you can handle the situation, we've tried to assert ourselves as non-threatening as we can, and we've even made it clear through body language. When all this fails, we need to say something. Most times it never gets this far. Getting to step 4 often involves a guy that is extremely drunk, or a guy who is looking for a fight. He sees you and just doesn't care. Much doesn't need to be said. A simple, "Man, she's with me so please just leave her alone," will suffice. Yes, we can be polite when what we really want to say is, "back the fuck off." If you're lucky, he will. Almost in every case he will. And if he doesn't, repeat steps 3 and 4 together.
Step 5: Motherfucker, I tried, but shit's going down
Sometimes, this step is unavoidable. You've done everything in your power not to let it get this far, but we all have limits and breaking points. Step 5 is often a progression from Step 4. Your simple and polite request is met with a less than polite reply. Your words escalate and your new found friend is obviously not getting the hint. Ladies, this where you shouldn't step in. We know you don't want to clean up a bloody face and that it's going to cause an argument later, but we will be mad that you interfered. Honestly, we don't want to let that guy get the upper hand. We've come too far to back down now. If it gets to the point where someone is going to throw a punch, remember:
1) Don't throw the first punch. Let the other guy do it. It's much easier to claim self-defense when you have to justify fighting back.
2) Most drunks don't throw a punch straight on. They swing overhand, too wide, or too wildly. You have a better chance of avoiding the first throw or absorbing the impact better.
3) Step into the punch and rush him, if you can. His throw with knock his center of balance off and it's easier to take him down. Most often, once he's down, you can end the fight by restraining him. If he's said something particularly nasty about your or your girl, give him a little love tap.
4) No one ever sees a headbutt coming.
In all of this, you're probably asking yourself, "self, why don't I just walk away?" That seems like the logical thing to do. And yes, that's the first thing that you should do. But there are times when you can't. For those times, there's the five step process on how to handle the situation.
So maybe I didn't exactly explain why guys fight and instead offered guys the way they should handle a situation. Sometimes, you just have to let us do what we have to do. Let our primal instincts take over. We're not stupid - well, most of us aren't - we just have our own way of handling things. You may not like it. Odds are you don't like. But when emotions take over, they can be a powerful thing.
Oh, and I'm sure @whatshesaidgoes will mention in her reply post the time I tried to beat up Winnie the Pooh. COMPLETE, misunderstanding.
