Juggling People Is An Art :: Learn It, And Learn It Well

"Juggle? I used to be a world class juggler. Until the girls accidentally met."

Unless someone really caught my eye, I was never a one-on-one dater. I would rather date multiple people at once, weeding them out until I was left with one that I wanted to be with. This meant juggling five, six; sometimes more, women at once. And often, as one was cut from the running, another one or two was added.

It was through the dates that I went on; the conversations that I've had with the opposite sex - and with my male friends - that I observed how women have less desire, or maybe it's less ability, to date multiple people at once. I'm not speaking about one or two, or even three people at once. Many of us can do that. I'm taking about dating scores of people - whether it be just one date or several - in order to not limit the people you have an opportunity to meet.

I know what my female readers are thinking right now; two things actually:

1) The only reason guys date multiple girls is because they have a better chance of getting laid.

2) It's not about quantity, it's all about quality.

You know what ladies?

1) You got it! And it works. It works a little too well. It's often the one that doesn't put out that we end up wanting in the end. 

2) This may explain all the ugly guys with hot girls. But, I'm not buying it. You often have to go through quantity to find quality.

Regardless of gender, the top three comments I hear when it comes to juggling multiple people are:

1) I'm afraid I would confuse the person with another, and not remember what we talked about.

2) I don't know where I would find the time to see all of these people.

3) What happens when I run into one of them, while out with another?

Let me break it all down for you, using a few tips and tricks that I've learned - the hard way - throughout my dating life. Juggling multiple people isn't about sleight of hand. You don't want to make yourself invisible. Instead, it's about sleight of tongue. What you say, how you say it, and when you say it, which will determine how effect of a multiple dater you will be. Plus, it helps to be well prepared by planning in advance for specific situations like the "run-in", or the "double-booking."


1) I'm afraid I would confuse the person with another, and not remember what we talked about.

 To avoid confusing one person with another and forgetting what you talked about, you need to keep track, so you stay on track. A little black book with a twist is what you need. Along with names - including last names - and numbers, you should also list where your first date was, the date you first met, and a few notes about what s/he was wearing. And, at the end of the night, maybe something that stood out, which s/he said.

Why are these added details important? When you get to comment three in this blog, you may need to utter the words, "Yes, while I am meeting other people as well, I'm interested in getting to know you, too. If I wasn't, would I remember... [an aspect of the first date..], [that you were wearing that outfit that brought out your...], how [we laughed over...]

Another important tip is to build a list of standard questions. You can usually always predict what these will be from the other person. They will want to know what movies you like, where you grew up, what interests you have. The most basic first date questions. Instead, take a different approach with yours. Come up with three to five questions, that you ask to every first date you go on. The answers will help jog your memory when you go out with them again. Make them somewhat unique, but not strange enough that the person is wondering why you're asking.


2) I don't know where I would find the time to see all of these people.

The hardest part of juggling multiple people is finding the time to see them. But, it's possible. When you're getting to know someone early on, you don't need to see them all the time. In fact, to see them once a week for a few dates is okay. What you need to do is keep conversations through the week to text. If possible, do it over the phone. It will cut down the amount of actual contact you need with the person until you can see them again.

The best method is to double-book, triple-book or even quadruple-book yourself. When I was out meeting many people at once, I would tell them I was often extremely busy during the week. And I was, although I could have found some time. Instead, I would tell them that the weekends were the best time for me to do something. I could plan a date for Friday night, three or four dates for Saturday, and another three or four for Sunday.

While this may seem like a lot to absorb, you always need an out. Pick locations throughout the city and various activities. And always...always tell them well in advance that you have to meet a friend somewhere in town. It allows you an exit, and time to spare to make your next date.

3) What happens when I run into one of them, while out with another?


Ah, the dreaded "run-in". If you're well prepared and well planned, you won't have anything to worry about. Should you run in to a date while on a date, remain calm. Remember, you did tell them that you were going to meet a friend. That is all they need to know at this point. Should it be someone else from another week, it's still okay.


If you're approached and forced to make conversation, don't hesitate. Introduce the guys/girls, it will come off less defensive and neither will be threatened. Just refrain from calling either one a "friend". Stick to first names only, and be aggressive. You should be the one asking her the questions, and make them general in nature.  "How are you doing?" What are you up to today?" Those kind of questions. She will ask you too, but you can get away with generic and overarching answers. If you monopolize on those few minutes of conversation, it will end and she will go on her way.

At some point, later, you may have to explain yourself. So refer to issue 1 in this blog and pull out that little black book. You may have to remember a few quick facts.

And finally, you need to be honest. Honest from day one. Make sure you get that disclaimer out there. When you meet, or when the conversation of, "what are you looking for" comes up, always make sure you say that you're just looking to date, to meet people and see if anything comes of it. That way, when asked - or confronted - you can always refer back to your disclaiming statement, and you can be honest. Actually, use the phrase..."I want to be honest with you. You're asking, so I am telling you the truth. I have nothing to hide. I am seeing other people, like I said when we chatted about what we were looking for at the moment." They eat that shit up, if you're stuck in a bind.

P.S. - And to "The Girl" - yes, that is your nickname in this blog - I just wanted to say... No, dear, none of this applies to you! In fact, I forget almost everything you tell me, more than once. No little black book here.