He's Just Not That Into You
There is, this book, by a guy named Greg, called He's Just Not That Into You. Where, Greg, seems to make life miserable for all single men out there. Mentioned to me by a friend who was questioning whether a guy was into her or not, Greg's book suddenly made all my advice - a man - null and void. His argument: That if a guy is into you, he will ask you out.
FALSE.
While a guy MAY ask you out if he's into you, ladies, don't bank on it. The guy may show signs of interest, but not all men are forward enough to take that first step. It's a two-way street in the in the world of THE ASK, that initial indication that one wants to ask someone out.
I'd like to think that we're not stuck in times where women expect men to ask them out. Ladies, if you like a guy and think that he likes you, take the risk. He may just be one of the shy ones. Or at least - unlike what said friend did - give him a sign that you're interested. No, you will not come off as being too eager. Guys, just like girls, want to know that their instinct is correct.
And if you think for one second that we like THE CHASE, get real. If you want to be chased, go find some young guy in a bar that you can string along. We might like a little resistance along the way, but we still want to know where we stand, and that our efforts are worth it.
So ladies, unless you want to end up that crazy cat lady down the road, get over whatever inhibitions you have and take the lead. At least, meet us half-way.
I will give you some credit, though. As a guy, if a girl is too interested, too up front or too blunt, we may see it as an easy lay. Not going to lie, we've all been there and thought about it.
So a tip: Don't put out. If a guy is really into you, he won't mind waiting. And, it will show him that you're worth it.
NEEDY GIRLS
This easily moves us into needy girls. Another friend is so hung up about getting married, that when she meets a guy, she wants to spend every waking moment with him. In fact, I had a conversation with her about it tonight.
She's been seeing this guy for a month. He has a career which he's working at full-time, he's also in school to move this career forward, and he's in the process of buying a house. She's so hung up on the fact that she only gets to see him once a week, that if soon, he can't commit to three days a week, she might call it off.
Granted, time in starting a relationship is needed, but not all up front. I've been guilty in the too needy area for far too long, and that has caused many failed relationships. Up until about a year or two ago, I was just like her. Now, I take it one day at a time and place no pressure on the situation.
Being with someone doesn't mean spending every waking moment with them. A phone call, a text here and there, those are ways to show interest. It shows that the guy is at least trying. And in return, if you give him just enough space, the time together will increase. And the time that you get to spend together will be worth it even more.
You have to be your own person first and foremost. You have to learn to be a part of ones life first, before being a part of their whole life.
Pushing and pressuring won't get you anywhere. It will make him feel inadequate and will make him run. And unless you want to keep having the same argument over and over again, just back off a bit.
One person will always be busier than the other. Everyone has their own life to lead until their paths converge into one. So learn to compromise. Support him in what he's doing and he will support you in your endeavours too. Rush it, and risk failure. The best things happen over time.
So if you're needy, that's fine. But hide it. Play it off. And yes, you will suffer a little bit. It will drive you nuts. But you'll benefit from it in the end. At least consider why he's so busy. As men get older, those at least who want to settle down at some point, aren't doing these things just to make you want them more, or to drive you insane. We're doing them because we want to have certain things in place for the future; and to have someone there to share it with us.
I don't want to sound archaic, that the man must provide for his significant other. But at the end of the day if things don't work out, no one - man or woman - wants to look back and be left with nothing.
The only place for needy girls, in my opinion, is with an old rich man who has the time to cater to your every whim.
SEX
Catering to your every whim may also mean sex. Men like sex as much as anyone else. Most of us would have it every day if we could, but let's face it, how important is it?
Same friend as mentioned above basis everything on sex. The skill of the guy in bed isn't what she's concerned about - although I'm sure it's a bonus; it's how often he's willing to do the deed. Her view of sex is the same view many others I've come across. The more he wants to do it, the more wanted she feels. And when it's lacking, she considers whether they're right for one another.
Consider this: You meet someone and fall for them. Things progress and you have met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your home life is great, your sex life; even better. But one day, something happens. An accident. And your partner is no longer able to perform. What do you do? Do you go and get your needs met somewhere else after committing to spending the rest of your life with this person, or do you spend the rest of your life in a relationship without sex?
If you have to think hard about this one, then you're probably not in it for love.
Sex, while an important part of any relationship, should carry no bearing on commitment and being faithful. You're with someone for a reason, and that reason shouldn't be what they do, or how often they do it in the bedroom.
That feeling of being wanted may bring itself out in heats of passion. But it's often found in the simplest forms; the things that the other person does every day, that shows you they want you.
I've been guilty of that as well in the past. And it took a long time to get over the fact that sex doesn't equal a desire to be with someone.
When I was with one of my ex's, my way of showing that I cared for her each day was by doing the simple things. Before I left in the morning, I would make her breakfast and have it ready for her when she was ready to wake up. I would go out of my way to make sure that she was never want for anything. I'd plan date nights just for her and I, where we would sit on the couch and watch movies all night, cuddled up with popcorn. It was time spent together. It's doing little things for the other person that no matter what happens down the road, those things would always be one way to show them that you still wanted and cared for them.
So put those urges aside from time to time and just cherish the moments that you have. Base it on how much pleasure you get out of being with the person, and you'll find that those moments may not last forever.
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