They're everywhere. Often misunderstood; often, stereotyped. At times, I say that I'm a self-proclaimed douchebag. And to be honest, sometimes I am. Most guys, in their lifetime, will find themselves in this category. Some out-grow it. Others, are stuck in a spiraling circle that they just can't seem to break out of.
I was compelled to write this post because of a conversation I had with a friend.
There is this misconception that a guy, who is considered a douchebag, is a horrible person out with one agenda in mind and nothing will stand in his way. While the latter is true - that there is a motive behind everything he does toward women - to claim that many are horrible is untrue.
For these guys, myself included, there is almost a reason why they act this way. A reason for why they come off as someone who doesn't care about what others think, often being labeled as cold; a reason why they may seem nice on the outside but end up hurting or causing grief to the women they meet.
It's because, they've experienced something in their lives that just won't allow them to break through that barrier they've set up. It's a front. It's a wall. It's a way to keep control of their lives at any cost, by distancing themselves from what could potentially happen and to be the ones not to get hurt in the end. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work.
Behind each of these people is a counter-opposite. They are, in fact, some of the nicest people you will meet. They are the type of people who see what is out there and want so much more, but like any addiction, they can't break the cycle of what they do. They are trapped.
They meet girls, spend a short period of time with them, get what they want and then, when things are actually going well, they leave. They usually don't intend to hurt the other person, but for the time that they spend with the person, they feel like the most important person. It is, after all, an insecurity.
If you look hard enough, you will see that many share one thing in common - fear. We have lost something in our lives at one point - whether it be someone we cared about, or the acceptance of someone we were close to.
In my case, growing up, I fended for myself. My parents always had faith that I would do the right thing and because of that, they worried very little about me. They also worked, a lot. I, looking for some kind of acceptance and attention, would go out of my way to try and find it. I was too young to realize at the time that they actually did see the things that I did, but their hard and tough background meant they showed little affection and emotion. I sought those things from the strings of girlfriends that I had over the years and not realizing it then; I would never find what I was looking for because the standard of what I thought I had to set, was too high to ever achieve. It was an unrealistic goal.
Instead, I discovered that by disregarding all the rules I could get what I want temporarily and then move on to the next, in order to feel that acceptance I've always wanted. This, obviously, has its consequences.
For many of these guys, it's acceptance that they want. They are tired of rejection in their lives, and by having the power to reject, it makes them feel safe. Unfortunately, when they do let down their guard, it's often too late, and what they realize what they could have had, it's gone.
So don't write these guys off. But be warned, sticking it out is a game of chance. They sometimes need to be prodded to open up. That hard exterior isn't easy to break through, but persistence will pay off. Sometimes, it's what we want. The cold hard reality of what we are to confront us, so that we see that someone actually cares what we think and feel.
In all my years, only twice has anyone ever confronted me - the first time 10 years ago; the second, the other day. In both cases, it wasn't a family member; it wasn't a girlfriend; but it was a friend.
Did I open up?
No.
Did I want to?
Yes.
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