It's not that I don't have things to say - the ideas keep running through my head whenever I think of writing - it's that I have the inkling feeling that I'm not ready to really deal, or confront it. To confront the fact that I'm getting old.
It's not the age that's the issue, it's everything that comes with getting older, or more specifically the things that aren't there as one gets older. I finally hit the big 'ole 2-8 (a few weeks ago now) and while most begin to worry when the first digit rolls over, I'm having that, "I'm almost 30" crisis.
This all stemmed from a baptism I attended shortly after my birthday. It was there that I realized in a room full of people I grew up with - friends and family - that I was one of the few single people in the room. To break it down even further, I was one of the few unmarried people in the room. My cousins, my friends, they were all running around chasing their toddlers - a new baby coming around every second to be introduced; to see how big they've grown over the last few months. I, with very little to contribute to that scene, am still chasing girls whose ID's usually say 1990.
Frankly, it made me a little sick, and internally I questioned whether I missed the memo that it was time to settle down.
To be honest, this has been crossing my mind a lot lately and a lot sooner than when all this happened. I'm ready to settle down and start investing the time and energy into it, but the years and experiences have made me jaded. To give me that push, I decided today that I will start dating again - seriously dating - starting the new year. I may need the next month or so to procrastinate.
Somehow this post is shaping to be less about the age issue and more about what it is that I want from the dating world, and what kind of person I'm looking for.
I'm sure that @WhatSheSaidGoes will ultimately concluded that I'm just too damn picky. I've heard it all before from her - and others - but I think I should explain myself first.
Unlike, and I would say many, of my peers, I'm in a slightly different situation. At the ripe old age of 28, I am:
- Well educated and have a number of worldly experiences, so unlike many of my friends that have the urge to see the world and experience things, that isn't holding me back from putting down roots.
- Gainfully employed in a career that has room for advancement and one that is stable, where I can realistically stay until I retire.
- A home owner, which I am slowly but surely improving as time and money permits.
- Completely, and utterly, debt free. Credit card companies and banks hate me because more often than not, I carry credit on my accounts rather than a balance.
- Planning for my future and my retirement. Yes, it is years away, but I do see myself retiring well before 55 and spending every second year vacationing overseas.
If those few facts about me means that I'm picky when looking to meet someone, then so be it. But despite those things, I don't expect anyone that I meet to be in a similar position.
I'll be the first to admit that I flip-flop a lot when I meet someone. I seem to look for something wrong and can often justify it to myself why I should treat this person as a fling, rather than a serious contender. And partly, it's because commitment these days puts me off a little. The big part, though, is that I've worked very hard to achieve all these things and I don't want to lose everything that I've accomplished.
I'm going to stop right here and say, because she will say it in her post, "That's a bunch of bull, you won't lose everything you've accomplished because you are your own person." True, but how often do we lose sight of ourselves when we've fallen for someone and sacrifice too much, too soon?
So what am I looking for? It's really not all that complex - even though every day I point out a completely different girl.
The physical attraction is important the older we get. Meeting people becomes much more difficult and many times, ones looks are what initially attract us. Now, I'm no prize, but I don't think I'm at the bottom of the barrel either.
To me, someone physically attractive - and let me clarify here that it's someone who is physically attractive to me, I don't care what others think - someone who:
- takes care of themselves; you don't have to look like a supermodel, but I'm not interested in a slob. There is much more to be said about natural beauty, than someone who can look amazing after hours getting ready.
- is preferably tall - although height isn't that much of an issue - just no women who are taller than me.
- is fit; and fit doesn't mean athletic or thin. I'm not going to say no to someone with a perfectly toned body, but it's not a requirement. Just like thin, doesn't mean 5'10'' and 110lbs. If you look like you're anorexic and I have the urge to feed you all the time, I'm most likely not attracted.
And just to be picky for a moment.... a brunette. Now, nothing against any other hair colour - in fact, it doesn't really matter. I've just always been more physically attracted to brunettes with a darker/Mediterranean complexion.
So you all know what I like to look at, but what do I really want in someone?
It's really not that different than what others seek - with a few exceptions with good reason. It should go without saying that faithfulness, honesty, trust and the like are givens. So those, I won't get into. But the person needs to have the following:
- Balance. I take care of my responsibilities first, otherwise I wouldn't be where I am, but I still love that wild and crazy night out. It may seem like my life is just that at the moment, but given the choice of a wild night downtown, and a quiet night in with someone, I'm picking the night in.
- An open-mind. I've been around the block one too many times and have, as a result, become desensitized to a lot. Very little offends or bothers me. There is very little that I won't do or try. Although it would be nice to meet someone who is the same, I'll settle for someone who can accept my past because my past isn't necessarily my future.
- A job: I don't care what you do, as long as you can support yourself. It's not that I don't take care of the person I'm with. I'm very old fashioned in that respect where I still pay for everything. I just want to be sure that I'm not being used for money, or material items. I'm no one's free-ride. I no longer date students - unless you're doing your Masters or PHD, count me out. I'm looking to settle down, build a future; if you're on your third degree and have no idea what you want to do, keep moving.
- Kids: This is a two-parter, which I'm not going to get into detail over. I want kids, some day, so if the person has no desire to have children, I'm not interested in more than a friendship. As for those who have children, I don't date people with children. I've tried it and it doesn't work for me. I want kids at some point in time, but I want the time right now to be between myself and the person I'm with, with no dependents in the picture.
- Space and Time. This is by far the most important. It might just be me, but space and time apart at the beginning is a good thing. I've met too many girls who want to spend all their time with me up front. And while it's great that they want to invest the time to get to know me, I have my own life. We all have our own lives. I don't need to see someone every day, or every other day, but I do need time to actually miss and want to see the person again. It doesn't mean I see someone on a Saturday and then lose all contact for a week. Checking in throughout the week to chat, or to make plans is fine with me. As you slowly get to know someone, that desire to see more of them will come. If it doesn't, they're not the one. My theory is you start off apart, and slowly work at coming together. You'll either meet somewhere in the middle, or you're veer off into two different directions - you'll go your own way, or you'll end up with a new friend.
So at the end of the day, is this really too much to ask? For some it might be. For me, I just know what I want.
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